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lisa4berlin

Name: Lisa
Country: Germany
Metro: Berlin
Gender: Female

Interests: God, intense conversations, big cities, epic and period films, book shops, art books and galleries, coffee, ice-cream, good friends, music, history.
Expertise: communication
Occupation: artist/missionary
Industry: Christian ministry

Message: message me
Website: visit my website

Member Since: 3/20/2006

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Tuesday, November 24, 2009

covering it up

I don't like the dentist and the poor guy can't help it.

It's not his fault but I dread his presence.

So when I went last week to a new dentist here in San Jose, it was like every other visit. I was apprehensive and a little resentful. Poor guy. I'm sure he felt it. But what I appreciated about this particular dentist was how thorough he was. I could tell he really knew his business. He took an x-ray and discovered decay undenearth an existing filling.

Here's the story. A few years ago in an effort to save some money, my parents were seeing a dentist in Mexico, not far from where they lived in Escondido. A quick jump across the border and they were finding prices more affordable. The problem was that this particular dentist was not very diligent and doing a bad job at most of his work. He never properly cleaned my decay before he filled two of my cavities and what ensued was my almost having a root canal on the tooth four years later! Fortunately, this dentist was able to work on the tooth and avoid a root canal.

As I've been pondering the whole incident, I find it parallel to most things. 1) You can't cut corners and 2) You can't cover up a mess. It needs to be organized, cleaned and taken care of. Reminds me of the cartoon in which Daffy Duck asks Elmer Fudd, "Arent' you tired of looking at those dirty windows?"

Porky pig says "Yes, I am" and Daffy Duck immediately covers up the window with bricks. The problem is still there but now we don't have to look at it anymore.

It's as though the problem doesn't exist. Or does it?

There is no short cut to cleaning up our messes and dealing with the realities of what is there.

I find it all too easy to avoid unpleasant things in my life at times. I would rather set it aside and move on to something else and thereby "filling" or "covering" that unpleasantness and that unease with some other activity. In the long run it's a time bomb for greater and decay...for bigger problems.

Why not face the existing problem head on? Stop putting it off. Take responsibility and clean the mess. Make the phone call, pay the bill, say you're sorry, face the consequence of our actions, bring things to the light... you know what it is.

Get to it.

7:27 PM - 17 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Friday, October 30, 2009

Peculiar

I heard a couple of stories the other day that made my heart heavy.

Stories about bad leadership in YWAM and irresponsible fiancés who leave their love because of their own selfishness and fear.

The kinds of things you hope never will happen to you in ministry and as single person.

As I listened to both stories, I found myself wanting to cry for the girl who told them.

Why do these things happen? Can we see them coming in advance? I would love to protect people and myself from such things.

At the end of her story, I found myself remembering how many times I have failed as a leader. It’s embarrassing to think of the kinds of mistakes I’ve made. I’ve done such a bad job at times.

How I long for forgiveness.

I wonder if the leader who hurt this girl had any clue. I know I unwittingly hurt people without intending to.

The fiancé part….well, I could relate to parts of it. Dashed hopes and dreams. Hope deferred makes the heart sick. I know that too well.

And yet… and yet….

I found myself wondering about it all and remembering how much I have learned over the years through these trying experiences. I could allow these things to harden my heart or I can let them work in me a compassion for people and a heart that is ready to forgive and extend grace as well as humble enough to ask for forgiveness.

I know it’s easier said than done.

But you see… I haven’t signed up for an easy or an ordinary life. If I wanted to live an ordinary life, I wouldn’t be in missions. I would have stayed in my hometown working a regular job and earning a regular pay check. I was good at that. I could have done it. Of course, I would have been bored out of my skull, but it was doable.

And you know…if I wanted to be like normal people, I would hold grudges and avoid pain at all costs and never take risks and wall myself up after being hurt.

But I don’t want to be normal.

The bible says we are a peculiar people.

I quite like that.

I like the idea of being abnormal.

Strange.

Extraordinary.

And I like the idea of walking away from something horrible and painful and terrible and able to find something good that God could make of it.

One day my roommate and I were laughing because we were saying “Our God is a recycling God”. Germans love to recycle. They love to be environmental conscious. And I believe this German trait reflects part of the character of God.

Our God is in the business of using up all the old things and making them usable and new again.

There is nothing wasted. Nothing God cannot redeem.

I love that.

8:25 AM - 47 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I get by with a little help from my friends

What I sense for this new season is God wants to give me friends I can really work with.

In the past I think there have been seasons when my co-workers and me have tolerated each other but not loved each other from our hearts.

Over the years I've realized we can indeed love and even like, yes, you heard me-- like, anyone. God can change our hearts. He can give us real affection for people who annoy us or otherwise wouldn't attract us. It's a God thing. He opens our eyes to see the beauty of the others and we are able to do it.

One of my most important connections to England right now is a leader named Carl. We met when he was speaking in the DTS in Berlin...in late April/or early May. We got along very well from the word "go". It was easy to communicate and understand each other's hearts. I've rarely had that with YWAM leaders but when it happens, it's a gift.

Carl has asked me to work with him on a project recently and I think it's worth repeating here his reasons why he wants to work with me on this project. I will be coordinating worship for a Europe wide event that he is organizing.

So here are his reasons:

i am asking you because,
a. i like you.
b. you are on the same page as me in terms of the future.
c. i think i can work with you
d. you speak a few languages and i keep getting into trouble for being to english centric!
e. i think it will be a laff to work together
f. you are open to new things/styles/edgyness
g. you are also an anointed worship leader, the kind that could probably fart into a microphone and make it sound good.
h. you wear nice scarves
i. your second name is cool
j. i want to profile you more in terms of the region and our corporate future.

Yes, I laughed too. Was a great way to phrase everything. And yes, I do wear nice scarves. With a sense of anticipation, I feel like I'm coming into a season of working with my friends more and more.

8:48 AM - 4 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Monday, October 19, 2009

God's little encouragements

I went out with a friend on Saturday afternoon who is looking at getting married next year. He's overflowing with excitement and happiness.

At one point he was telling me of his uncertainties and his amazement that he has nothing to give this girl at this point in his life, but still he feels God is working things out. He has faith and hope.

At this point, I felt my heart was caving in with grief.
I couldn't help it.
I couldn't help compare his trust in God with what was lacking in my last relationship.
We were walking around Berlin as we talked, and after a couple of hours I got tired. But my friend didn't notice I didn't want to keep walking. Even when I told him, he still wanted to go here and there...he kept pushing us on.

I was emotionally tired, too.

Because my friend was oblivious to what was going on in me or too happy to care, I said good bye to him It was getting late anyway. He walked me to a station and I went home feeling a bit raw and vulnerable.

On the way to my bike which was parked at Alexanderplatz, I thought I would distract myself a bit since I've been looking for a blue hat. After all, doesn't shopping give one's life meaning?

So I went into a couple of shops in search of a dark blue hat. I found some but none that really 'did it' for me. Maybe it's because I'm overflowing with hair but I've gotten more picky about hats recently.

In the end I found myself wandering into the coat section. I had told myself a few months ago I wanted to get a new coat this year but as I have been looking at all the monthly support I have to raise in the next few months and extra expenses...the question came up for me: do I really need one?

But there it was... a beautiful red coat for only 59 euros. It looked like me. Beautiful collar, big black buttons and double breasted... with a nice belt and fitted sleeves.

I tried it on, and it fit me perfectly. The store had only one left in my size. I called my roommates and asked, "Do you think I should get it?" Both of them said "yes". We had all been praying before about my finances, and they had felt that I would lack for nothing.

So I bought it. And I rode my bike home from the station, lost in my thoughts about the day and all that could have been.

When I got home, both my roommates wanted to see my coat. I brought it out and wore it for them. They both agreed it was the right choice. Then they presented me with a card with some money in it and said they felt to give me some money for it and to show me that God will take care of me.

Now I guess I should explain something. What I was missing when I left my friend was this sense of being "cared for" or "looked after". So my feeling about the coat was that God wanted to cheer me up with it. To show me he is sensitive to those little needs. But I wasn't sure. All my feelings about finances and the future were bothering me and filling me with doubt. But when I got the card from my roommates, it was a confirmation of what God was saying:

I'm here for you. And I know how to give what is good. I'll take care of you.

In the end, it is just a coat. But it represents many things for me as I venture out into the future and come out of the season of ashes.

9:06 AM - 3 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Thursday, September 24, 2009

New Trust for new things...

“Let it be said of me…that I fully followed you…I held nothing back. I obeyed your call to me…”

God has been calling me. And I’ve been saying “Here I am Lord”

I opened a door when I came to England this month, and I closed a door on what/where/how I thought my life was going to look like one year ago.

Some times life sends major curve balls. God is not surprised and God has a way for everything!

One thing I know for sure is that I can’t hold on to the past and what could have been, but I can take hold of my future and how I respond to unexpected, difficulty and even painful life experiences. I would not have chosen some of the things to happen the way they did, but I can choose my responses in hope, faith and love…

Walking with God is becoming an adventure again.

This past year I feel like God and I took some very important steps together.

God hasn’t always given me the full picture at once but he has given me the faith and the courage to take the necessary risks at just the right times, moving me way out of my comfort zone at times.

I have trusted God to be with me in the darkest of times and places.

Alejandro Rodriguez is one of our YWAM speakers who talks a lot about going into the “Risk Zone”. Putting ourselves in situations and circumstances where god has to come through. Miracles happen when we need then, when we stretch ourselves beyond what is possible for us in our own strength. But that means we venture into areas where we are dependent on God. Loren Cunningham says regularly “I want to lean on God so hard that if he moves I will fall over…”

When I look at the past year, I see now that I have done this over and over again. I’ve put my trust in God repeatedly for practical help.

Some of that had to do with hearing him at the last minute for trips he wanted me to take—to Colombia and England and even more recently to Switzerland. The big question from his side was, “Do you trust me?” And I just said “yes” and went where he wanted me to go.

We did it together.

I have that sense even as I write this. I am at the Harpendon base outside of London today. I had some challenges trying to arrange my housing the past couple of days and yet as I rode up from Midlands, I had a deep sense of peace that it would all work out.

I had heard from God. He was with me in it.

I find the more steps of faith I have taken this past year, the easier it is to keep saying “yes”. To rest in the fact that anything is possible.

God is not limited to my plans and my finances or my ideas of what he can or cannot do.

The next four months will be an adventure. I have to apply for YWAM staff in England, get a visa, find an apartment, buy a car and raise my monthly support significantly. Within all this I am flying to southern Germany, flying back to the United States and having to do all that is required to say “goodbye” in Berlin.

And I have so much grace and peace about it all. I keep thinking it should feel overwhelming.

But I have a sense of freedom and faith in it all. There is a lot to do in it…but I am not worried. There is no stab of fear or worry to steal my joy in the adventure. It feels like God and I are moving out together. He is right here.

There is a smile I have when I look at the future. I don’t kow how or when, but I know that God Is going to provide and make a way.

My hope is in Him.

2:23 PM - 17 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

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